10 HOT Tips to Improve your Couple’s Sex Life

Good morning, lovely dreamers, and welcome to another life and relationships blog post here on Dreaming of Butterflies. Today, as we are in the month of love and celebrating Valentine’s Day all weekend long, we want to talk about… you guessed it! The hot stuff.

As a warning, in this article we’ll be openly chatting about love, couple’s relationships (in all their beautiful and perfect forms), sex, adult toys, various forms of exploring one’s sexuality and more. 

And it’s focused on long-term relationships, and how to improve them.

So if you think this one’s too much for you, that’s okay! Feel free to browse through our other articles.

Related:

The Perfectly Geeky Valentines Day Gift Guide

10 Totally FREE Valentine’s Day Gifts your loved one REALLY wants

Hers and His Valentine’s Day Gifts your bae actually wants this year

And now, let’s get back to business.

Being in a long-term relationship ourselves (hitting the 10-year mark this year, wooo!), we’re definitely down to a point where we know everything about the other person. And I’m talking about EVERYTHING.

The good, the bad, the ugly. The likes and dislikes from all aspects of life, in general, and in our relationship in particular. 

So now there’s rarely something happening that surprises any of us.

This can be both a blessing and a curse, because, let’s face it. When you know your partner well enough to know what he or she likes and wants, and their rhythm, it’s way easier to relax and enjoy your intimate time together. 

But yes, it can also get to a point where everything is “routine”, or life gets you so tired that you want it, but lack the imagination to go as hard and as fiery as you did in the “honeymoon phase”.

One thing’s for sure.

If you already have the love, respect, understanding and desire for each other, it only takes a few tricks to go from mild to extra hot! So let’s turn up the heat, shall we?

But enough with the chit-chatting! Let’s get to it!

10 HOT Tips to Improve your Couple’s Sex Life

1. Be honest with each other

Step one is to not lie to your partner. Ladies, I’m talking to you in particular on this one. 

I know you think that if you fake it (and by IT I mean your enthusiasm, your gestures, your sounds and the BIG ONE, your orgasm) everything will be fine, but you’re not doing anyone any favours. And certainly not to yourself.

He might not be able to tell all the time, but when your attitude and nerves don’t calm down after the fact, that’s definitely a sign that something was not perfect.

Please, please, please, for the love of whatever you want, stop. 

If you’re not into it that day, let your man take care of business alone. Encourage him and don’t judge him, or better yet, you yourself put on a little show for him. 

This will help you, as well as him, and sometimes can be the only thing you actually needed to bring you on the same page.

There is no fake it ‘till you make it, when it comes to sex and orgasms, so just don’t.

Plus, if you don’t tell him what he can improve on, he never will. So why not do yourself a favour and teach him how to push your buttons instead of lying? 

2. Communication is key

Talk. Talk. And talk. Tell each other what you feel before getting into bed, during sex, and after. 

Say if it’s good, if it’s not, what you would like to do next, or what places to kiss, where to touch and how.

And not just in bed.

Even the most “co-dependent”, Marshall and Lilly types, that share everything can slip up and forget that we as humans are also sexual beings, not just entrepreneurs, employees, moms, dads, pet owners and everything else, so it’s important to find time to talk to each other about the sexy things as well.

Without putting too much pressure on the other person, try to dig deep and find out what else they might like, or want to explore with you, that you already didn’t. 

Create a safe sharing space where you don’t judge, or scare each other. And again, be honest. 

3. No distractions

Work time is work time, and playtime is playtime. 

Make sure that when you want to start something sexy, all of your devices are away, or if they come into the play space, they’re either off, or on DND. 

Nobody likes to be in the middle of something great, going on amazing, and to hear the phone ringing and seeing either work or one’s parent calling. That’s an instant mood killer, for sure, and it will be harder to get back in the game after that, even if you don’t take the damn call.

Respect your intimate time together, like you respect your meditation time, and block everything else. 

4. Set up the environment in advance

Sometimes, all you need to do is to create a more magical space for you to get your sexy on. 

Women do tend to be more romantic in general, and want to recreate a lot of unrealistic scenes from movies, with 100000 lit candles all around the room, with soft Michael Bolton music in the background, rose petals on the bed, and all that, so you might want to try that as well.

And that’s totally okay, as long as you are careful not to get the room too hot (or literally on fire).

Pay attention to where you place the candles, if you want to use any, but if you’re looking for romantic lights, but a safer alternative, well then, my friend, fairy lights are for you.

Personally, we have a few hundred fairy lights around the house, to help us set the mood everywhere, not just the bedroom (because you never know when you might wanna put on a romantic quickie).

Decorating your space, so that it looks magical by day, but romantic by night, is not a difficult task, as long as you have the right tools.

Soft fairy lights, in warm white, scented candles (and unscented as well), maybe some incents (musk and lavender are really good when you want to get your appetite up) are just some examples of what you can do.

5. Schedule some “you and me” time

Life nowadays is hectic, and between work, side hustles, taking care of the house, the pet, yourself, maybe even a hobby, there’s just a limited time you can spend with each other on a daily basis.

But there is an easy way to solve this.

Maybe for some of you, it might sound insane to schedule having sex with your partner, but I’m not suggesting you actually mark “sexy time” in your calendars (unless you actually want to do it). 

What Andy (my husband) and I recommend is to make it a habit for the two of you to have your intimate time together, not just the sex. 

Stuff like showering together as often as you can (saves the planet as well), cooking together, giving each other massages from time to time, are activities that only help with strengthening the bond between you and keeping the fire alive.

So make sure to make time for each other, where all of your attention is only for the other person. Even if it’s just 5 minutes per day. 

6. Be open to new experiences

Depending on the type of relationship you have, like monogamous, poly, and even open, there are various ways to bring in something new and exciting in the bedroom. 

From simple stuff like dirty talking, light bondage, to more adventurous experiences, like another person you both might enjoy, the important thing is to be open-minded here.

7. Explore your fantasies

Remember when I said earlier to communicate? Well, here’s one thing to talk about: what would you like to try, but were always afraid to, or too shy to do or ask? 

What do you dream about when you have those hot dreams? 

Maybe you saw something in a movie, or simply had a crazy idea one day and got really aroused because of it. 

Don’t be afraid to share these things with your partner. They might find it sexy as well, and you might get so hot just talking about it that it might end up happening right then and there! (True story)

8. Bring out the toys!

Oh, sex toys. Where do I begin? You have sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many options when it comes to sex toys, that it’s simply impossible to not find something to play with together.

Recommended, for couples, are the ones that make both of you feel good, or that helps one of you to make the other feel good.

We’re talking about anything that vibrates, maybe with a little suction or something that warms you up, that tastes good or tickles you in just the right places.

Our favourite websites with great prices, tools and toys are the following:

• We-Vibe
• Spectrum Boutique 

If you don’t have any toys, maybe now it’s the perfect time to start your new sex toy collection. What do you say?

Take half an hour before bed, or when you have a little time for yourselves (alone and together), and browse one of the websites mentioned above until you find something you like.

From our personal collection, we recommend these:

• Vibrator bullet
• Dildo
• Clit Suction
• Twister vibrator with bunny
• Ring with vibrator
• Mini wand
• Lube - tingling and sweet and fruity
• Anal plug
• Anal beads 

Let your imagination free, and your desires take over for a little while. You won’t regret it.

9. Experiment

From role-playing games to light bondage, to exploring some fetish areas, don’t be afraid to try new things. 

As long as there is mutual consent at all times, and everyone is comfortable with what’s happening, you can be as naughty or as nice as you want to.

Just make sure not to harm one another, and to respect each other’s wishes and limits.

It’s all about pleasure, for everyone involved here, not just you. 

10. Take it to the next level

All the points of this list were basically a build-up to this point. Only you know where that next level is for you, and if you want to go there.

Maybe just some light spanking might be enough for you, or maybe you want to be tied and hung by the ceiling while your partner tickles you with feathers and feeds you chocolate strawberries. 

Or maybe, on that level, for you, it’s all about latex now. Only you and your partner have the answer to that.

Don’t be afraid of that next level, but make sure you’re all comfortable with what is happening there.  

BONUS!

Be playful and lightly tease each other daily. 

Give a sweet and sexy kiss on the neck, a hug, tickle the back, squeeze a but cheek, flaunt your curves, whisper things in a sexy tone to the other person… and whatever else you might find sexy but also innocent.

This helps with strengthening your bond and extends the intimacy.

And if you would like to learn more about how to improve your relationship and SO much more, check out our new book, “Dream, Follow. Do.”!

All that's left now is… Have fun!

Aaaaaand that’s all for today, lovely dreamers! We hope you loved our list of fiery tips and tricks for improving your couple’s sex life, and if you did, please make sure to share it, pin it, tweet it! We’ll surely LOVE you for that!

QOTD: What are some of your tips for a better couple’s sex life?