How to deal with grief and move forward as a young adult

Life is a wonderful thing, a magnificent journey filled with ups and downs, wonderful experiences and, hopefully, only with great people. Unfortunately for us, sometimes life gives us hard experiences as well.

For me, the hardest thing I ever had to endure was my grandfather's passing, 10 months ago. He was more than just my grandfather - he was more like my father, my friend.What he did was more than you could ask for from a grandfather: He raised me, bought me clothes, taught me how to be me, gave me advice when I needed it, always knew if the boy I was dating was good for me or not, but never interfered unless I wanted him to. He was an amazing man, husband, father, grandfather, friend.

But, unfortunately for us, cancer doesn't ask for permission to take the people we love away from us. It's strange to think that it all happened so fast, but yet, so slow... In 6 months we saw him go through hell and back, from good to worse, until it was over for him.

Something broke inside of me when we found out about cancer. We all tried to be positive, for him, for us, but no matter how hard we fought, how much we tried, cancer won the battle. I never thought I would be only 26, finally embracing adulthood and without a grandfather.

In my mind, he and my grandmother would live forever, happy, together, and watch over us, give us advice and always be there when we reached out.

‍They say that there are five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

My problem is that these stages I think are for the person that dies, not for the ones that are left behind, the family and friends.

We went from shock to confusion, to be overwhelmingly positive in order to make my grandfather smile, to numb and broken in 6 months. And I'm pretty sure we're not the only ones that went through this.

‍Dealing with the passing of someone so dear can be the most difficult step in any adults life. As a young adult, already embracing all the other changes in your life, this can be even harder.

‍Being an introvert, this had bigger repercussions for me and those around me - my thenfiance and my family. I had to put on a brave face and be strong for my family, and never let anyone see my broken side. I shut down from the world, from everyone, including Andy ( my now husband), who was always my rock, my true North.

But when I thought that nothing could bring me back, I realized that my grandfather would not have wanted me to give up living. I began to really see who my friends were and how important I and my happiness were to my family and to Andy, so I started to pick myself up, one step at a time, day, after day, after day.

That's why I decided to make a list of what actually helps people like me through these moments.

5+ Important Steps to Help You Deal with Grief

1. Cry, damn it!

I'm saying it like this because most of us are so tough on the outside, that we never cry. I was never a whiny person, I never cried. Allways used to say that I don't have tear ducts, that I donated them or whatever.I taught myself to always be strong, have a brave face even when I was scared shitless. I kept it all in for so long, that I didn't even know that I can cry anymore, but ii all changed when we found out about my grandfather.Crying actually helps you connect with the people you love, it sparks up the creativity in you, and it's perfectly normal to release some tension from time to time.Crying doesn't make you a weak person, it makes you stronger, and even though some people might not like it, the ones that really love you will appreciate you more for your ability to be open in front of them.

2. Let your loved ones in

Communication is the key to any great relationship. Honesty, support, love, feedback - you can have all that, if you just talk and let your loved ones in, you let them see you as you, not the brave mask you always put on.Nobody will be disappointed in you if you just let it out, trust me.My rock was always Andy, but strangely enough, I have never seen him so lost. He just did not know what to do, how to help me. But he didn't give up. He did everything from trying to make me laugh, to cooking for me, to waiting patiently for me to open and pour my soul out to him again.Your loved ones will always be there for you like you are for them. Share your feelings and support each other through these times, and it will strengthen your relationships more than you know.

2. Read

Reading is one of the most important things anyone can do in times when you know that you need to move on. You get your hands on a good book, a great blog article, a newspaper!Anything that can challenge your imagination and make you read it until the end. It doesn't need to be science-fiction or anything like that. Make it productive, always read something useful. It will help you more than you can imagine.The fun fact is, that's how I rediscovered blogging and found out that you can make some great changes in your life with a blog.

3. Write

Writing, for me, was always fun. I had journals when I was a kid, I even had a couple of them with my best friend, where we would write all our crazy thoughts!But I never imagined that this would be helpful through such hard times because I was too afraid to admit the loss, and thought that writing it on paper would have, somehow, made it all too real, too painful.Guess what? It didn't get too painful.Writing all your feelings down is the best thing you can do for yourself and your loved ones. You can actually feel better while you are writing everything down, and if you feel better, the ones around you will fell good as well. And hey, who knows where that might take you?

4. Watch tutorials

Because I was numb and lost, the only thing that could bring me out in the world again was finding something useful to do. Because I love recycling and I am somewhat artistic, I started researching tutorials on how to make this and that. It helped a lot!I started gaining my inspiration back and soon I was on my way to the DIY track I abandoned when tragedy struck.You need to get yourself back on the track of happiness and inspire yourself to be productive. Search for inspiration, and act on it. Teach yourself new skills, pick up new hobbies, evolve.

5. Play games

Although I know this might not be for everyone, just stay with me. For a couple of hours per day, I found it ok to lose yourself in video games.To connect to another world and do something else for a little while helps. Why? Because it is the cheapest escape you could find, it's relaxing and it helps you regain your true self back - the strong, confident person you are.Of course, it can be easy to go overboard with it, so in order to keep that part in check, I recommend setting up alarms after a couple of hours of gaming therapy and go out in the real world.

6. Walk

This brings me to my next step. Walking. Gorgeous, get off your lazy butt and take your loved one for a long walk in nature, not in your car through town - because that doesn't do much good. Get yourself moving. Walking is a great way of opening yourself up to the world, not only your loved ones.

7. Exercise

Channel your thoughts, breathe, be with yourself, relax. A good yoga workout can bring out the best in you. If you're not the yoga loving type of person, then go punch a bag, run, or do whatever you can to move your body. Exercise releases endorphins, which make you happy.

8. Honor your departed loved ones

Always remember what they taught you and that all they wanted for you is for you to be happy. Don't forget to honor their memory by making yourself be happy again.When you reach that phase when you know you can smile, just do it. They would have wanted that.

Hopefully, I was able to bring some light into your life with my thoughts and inspire you to deal with your loss and find yourself again.